Retail Ramblings

First and foremost, I love my job.  I enjoy the work I do and (most) of the people I work with.  With that said, sometimes myself and my coworkers get a little (okay, a lot) irritated with some of the ridiculous crap we have to deal with.  So without further adieu, enjoy some ranty retail ramblings.

1.)  If I have on a name tag, carrying a walkie-talkie on my jeans with paper and a pen stuffed into my back pocket while stocking shelves......Please do not ask "Do you work here".  Because OBVIOUSLY I do work there, I don't just wear a nametag for the hell of it.

2.)  If you are at the check-out, and change your mind about purchasing an item, HAND IT TO ME and tell me so.  Don't mutter something to your friend about not wanting it and then put it in the candy bin right in front of my face.

3.)  If we ask you if you need help with anything, please understand it's my job, don't get all pissy that I am 'bothering' you.  Also, if you do need help with something, we don't need to hear a life story and a bunch of misceallaneous unimportant information.  Tell me what you need and let's go find it.  I have a million other things to do in addition to customer service, shelves don't stock themselves.

3b.)  If I am taking you to an item you are looking for, please don't stop and look at other things on the way.  If I am in front of you I have no idea you stopped, then end up waiting for you at our destination, thus wasting my time.

4.)  STOP STEALING SHIT!!!!  My god, people wonder why prices get out of control, it's because people steal shit.  I am sorry you can't afford whatever item are trying to steal, please just don't do it.  If you get caught.....well......then you deserve your punishment.

4b.)  If we suspect you of thievery, and you are guilty, just give up and leave.  Basically, if you come to customer service with non-receipted returns claiming they were gifts and no-one was at customer service when you walked in the door, you better believe that sounds fishy as hell, and we will do floor counts of your items and review video.

(Note about this item:  we don't directly accuse anyone of funny business, we have business practices and policies to handle situations where we suspect theft) 

5.)  If our bathrooms need servicing, please tell us.  I use the bathroom ~1x per shift on most days, and nothing is worse than really having to pee and there is no toilet paper, no paper towels etc. and that I have to restock the bathroom while trying not to pee my pants.  Yes WE clean our bathrooms nightly and restock as needed, but seriously, if there is no TP left on the rolls just say something and we will take care of it ASAP.

6.)  I am sorry, we do not carry coupons in the store.  So please, I don't want to hear your sob story about how you need a coupon for a $1.00 soap.  We have an extremely generous coupon policy, you can come back later for your $.20

7.)  Please don't trample all over rugs and bathmats that are for sale.  Where have your shoes been?  Where have other peoples shoes been that have walked all over the same floor you are walking on?  It's gross if you really think about...

8.) If you are returning something, it is my job to ask why you are returning it.  We are not going to refuse the return, so for the love of god, if it is broken, missing pieces/parts, you just plain don't like it, not the right color, what have you, JUST SAY SO.  We want the freaking truth!

8b.)  Sidenote though: if you return something saying that you just don't use it, and it is clearly been used, over and over and over again, we will give you a major side-eye and you are being ridiculous for returning something you obviously used a lot.

9.)  Please DO NOT tell me how to do my job.  I have been properly trained, I get paid to do this, I KNOW what I am doing.  If by some chance I don't, I have managers that can help me.

10.) If announcements are made that the store will be closing shortly, or that we are closed, please bring your purchases to the front right away.  WE WANT TO GO HOME!

11.)  Get off your damn cell phone!  It is extremely rude to cashiers when you are on your cell phone having random/weird conversations.  Call them back in 5 minutes and don't be rude to me.  If you're not paying attention, maybe I'll just ring in an extra item for you.... (just kidding, i wouldn't actually ring in something extra) But seriously, put the phone down for the 5 minutes or less it will take me to get you cashed out.

12.)  Get your shit organized and exit the line quickly when you are checking out.  There are people waiting behind you, stop holding up my line!

13.)  If you feel the need to give me exactly $.99 or whatever the change is, if I have my hand out for the coins, put them in my freaking hand, not on the counter!!!


I am sure I will come across more during my shifts, but I think this is a pretty extensive list.  If you work retail and have any other ridiculousness, leave me a comment!